Girlfriend making $40K insists that boyfriend making $75K pay for all of their expenses and dates: 'She said that since I make more, I should just cover it all. She even brought up how her friend's boyfriend pays for all their trips.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jul 7, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Paying for things in the early stages of a relationship is always tricky. It feels pretty unromantic to have to Venmo a date $16 for sushi, even if it's technically paying for precisely what you ate. Many couples have a "I'll get you this time, you'll get me next time" dynamic that is usually pretty healthy. That works well when the couples have a pretty similar income. If you're both making $55K a year, there's no reason the man should be paying more just because he's a man. On the other hand, if one person is making $200,000 a year and the other is making $35,000, perhaps the person with the higher income should cover their "fun" expenses. You have to be open about what you can actually afford with your partner, because nobody wants someone to be sweating over the price of two movie tickets and dinner afterwards. 

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  • 01

    AITA for not wanting to pay for everything in my relationship?

    So my GF (26F) and I (28M) have been together for about a year. Things are mostly good but we've been having this ongoing issue about money.
    via u/No_Reward2854

  • If there's a massive disparity between your and your partner's income, that's a good reason for one of you to pay for most things. But if you're making 20 or 30 thousand dollars more or less than your partner, that's not a notable enough discrepancy to necessitate one partner to take care of the other every time. 

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10526714624
    via Reed Naliboff

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    I make around $75k as a software developer while she makes about $40k working at a non-profit. So yeah, I definitely make more than her, and I had a big won on Stake US, but it's not like I'm rolling in cash either. I've got student loans and I'm trying to save for a down payment on a house someday.
    via u/No_Reward2854
  • 04
    Lately she's been expecting me to pay for basically everything - dinners out, movies, trips, even groceries when we cook at home. At first I didn't mind covering more of our dates, but now it feels like she just assumes I'll pay for everything without even offering.
    via u/No_Reward2854
  • 05
    Last weekend we were planning a weekend getaway, and when I suggested we split the Airbnb (like I pay 65%, she pays 35% based roughly on our incomes), she got really upset and said that since I make more, I should just cover it all. She even brought up how her friend's boyfriend pays for all their trips.
    via u/No_Reward2854
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10526739712
    via Sander Sammy

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07
    I don't think I'm being unreasonable wanting her to contribute something, even if it's proportionally less. I'm not asking for a 50/50 split.
    via u/No_Reward2854
  • 08
    So AITA for not wanting to bankroll our entire relationship just because I make more?
    via u/No_Reward2854
  • 09
    RS 100 them with another, and to ins of mankind require that the 14467199 Mer ingen, during this t 100 - fusing invariably the same 100 FEDERA PB 22 B2 Srevent
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 10
    d3v0chka I'm sorry, but it sounds like you might need a new gf. And comparing you to someone else's bf that "covers everything" that is simply disrespectful -
    via u/d3v0chka
  • 11
    kaoux For real if someone's out here keeping score with other ppl's bfs, it's already a red flag relationships aren't a competition.
    via u/kaoux
  • 12
    sohereiamacrazyalien also how and why does she know that the friend bf pays for everything. it's not like it's a standard discussion subject!
    via u/sohereiamacrazyalien
  • 13
    sohereiamacrazyalien X bf covers for everything! reply: well go out with X bf, then! just the thought of anyone paying everything for you should make you feel uncomfortable especially if you do work imo
    via u/sohereiamacrazyalien
  • 14
    De-railled Exactly, if she was a stay at home parent looking after kids, I'd understand a partner being the sole provider/earner and paying for things. However, OP needs to consider what she's bringing to the relationship, and if it's worth it for him.
    via u/De-railled
  • 15
    d3v0chka And if she has already started comparing OP to others, not even a year in, it will only get worse. She seems to prioritize $ and material things, and that type of mentality will not work if OP does not share that mentality. There is too much of a difference
    via u/d3v0chka
  • 16
    Salty_Interview_5311 Tell her that all dates are going to be free activities only from now on. Walks in the park, gaming at the library, free museums and so on. She'll have to meet you there too. I'll bet that she dumps you in a heartbeat. She sounds like she's dating your wallet, not you.
    via u/Salty_Interview_5311
  • 17
    bopperbopper "I know I make more and that's why I'm prepared to proportionally pay more but if you can't pay anything for our outings, that's not gonna work out... let's plan outings that we can both afford"
    via u/bopperbopper
  • 18
    gloriadonrg29 100% this. it's not about splitting everything 50/50, it's about keeping things fair and realistic for both people. If someone can't contribute at all maybe the plans need to match both incomes, not just one.
    via u/gloriadonrg29
  • 19
    garysdy Real talk, if someone gets mad at "split based on income," that's not love language, that's entitlement. she doesn't want a partner, she wants a sponsor
    via u/garysdy
  • 20
    Upset_Ad7701 NTA, But this relationship only has one ending. It will end. Sooner if realize she doesn't respect you. She is just looking for what you can give her. Good luck.
    via u/Upset_Ad7701
  • 21
    Plenty Much9496 FYI best advice I ever got from my uncle Bob a month before my second marriage. Marriage isn't 50/50 it's 100/100. It seems like your gf wants it to be 100/0. Couples counseling or end it. NTA
    via u/PlentyMuch9496
  • 22
    Sorcha9 NTA. Woman here. I never have allowed someone to pay my way without covering my share. Or even more. You aren't married. No obligation to cover all of her expenses.
    via u/Sorcha9
  • 23
    Spike-White When I was dating my last g/f, I'd pay for about 2/3 of the dates and she'd ask me out about 1/3 of the time so she'd pay. I married her. For many many reasons.
    via u/Spike-White
  • 24
    Sillysally241 Seems like she makes more than you since you're spending all your extra money on her. You're a doormat btw. YTA for having no self respect.
    via u/Sillysally241
  • 25
    Possible_Raspberry75 Tell her to get off of TikTok and stop comparing herself to her girlfriends and what they're all bragging that they have, and start contributing to the relationship. She's a grown woman and needs to start pulling her weight in your relationship.
    via u/Possible_Raspberry75

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boyfriend toxic relationships long term relationship salary expenses dates money problems relationships girlfriend relationship problems money toxic relationship dating vacations
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